The Aftermath of Being Stalked by My Own Boyfriend for Three Years

stalking

Written by: Anonymous | Image by: ibtimes.co.uk

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A believer’s definition of God  is something supreme that is omniscient, omnipotent, omnipresent and omni benevolent.

The irony here is that you don’t ever get to see God who actually is a stalker and is stalking you even when you are taking a dump.

But, what do you when you see someone everyday and later realise that just like God, they were also virtually present in your life all the time? How? Through PHONE CLONING!

Yes. I was being cyber-stalked for over three years by my ex-partner whom I dearly loved and blindly trusted.

Stalking is terrifying and insidious when it happens. I still haven’t got the answer to whether it was obsession, lack of trust, fixation or a serious mental illness which made him invisibly chase me like that for three years. But, what I know for sure is that there were certainly narcissism, a sense of entitlement and an inability to consider another perspective at play here.

At first, I couldn’t believe that every single movement of my life was being monitored by someone. It felt as if this city where I currently live and love had suddenly turned into a prison. It felt as if every single action, even the blinking of my eyes, was being watched. I felt as if I am inside a horror film and the ghost is watching me from behind the curtain, door, window, just everywhere! It was scary.

I felt humiliated as well. How could I be so wrong about someone I had deeply loved?

For days, I didn’t feel like stepping out of my new house where I had immediately shifted after finding out that I was being stalked. I used to cry my guts out at such failure of what I thought was a wonderful relationship. My colleagues at work would look at my puffy eyes and ask, “Is everything OK?” and all I could do was smile and nod affirmatively.

There was a phase when I blamed myself for everything that had happened. I also tried to normalize his behaviour in my head. I thought that I may have been too mean when I was trying to part ways with him, but I ignored the serious warning signs. I totally ignored how, the first time when I told him that I want the relationship to end and went out with friends to distract myself, he turned up at the same place and verbally threatened my friends. Before I could put all the pieces together, he apologized and promised that he would never repeat it again. I was so naive and romantically involved that I chose to ignore this episode of cyber stalking as a “little mistake” and continued the relationship.

The stalking continued uninterrupted and unknown to me. He would never speak about it except imply it during our fights sometimes. Like, “I know you have this tendency of talking to other men when we fight. That is SOME WAY to distract yourself and keep yourself going.”

I even believed it! Because I would message my friends to rant when things between us went wrong. So somehow, this passive aggressive slut shaming also didn’t ring any alarm bells.

But of course, it happened again. For three years in the relationship, my movements were tracked using my own phone’s location feature.

One fine day, my ex stalked me and showed up at my location to my utter surprise! He even had the audacity to hit the friend I was with at the time right across his face! Why, you ask? Because I had been repeatedly asking to end the relationship and had gone out to watch a football match with the said friend as a means of getting away from all the stress.

I was devastated as I looked at my ex’s face while he was standing there and howling at me. He didn’t look like the same soft spoken and intellectually rich person. It was not him!

The irony of it all is that I identify as a fierce feminist and I would burst into fits of anger if I came to know about something similar happening to someone else. However, in my own case, I registered a complaint at the police station and later took it back. It’s funny how when the stalker is an ex-partner, you are reluctant to report. I did not want to create drama and I still believed that he will stop this behavior on his own. But every single day, I suffered silently, because people around me wouldn’t acknowledge it as an offence. Instead, they would ask me to visit a relationship counselor and “sort-things-out.”

But, I know that I have been scarred, for life. I have developed anxiety and I stay perpetually scared. I still get flashes during sleep either of our seemingly impeccable relationship or of the those confrontational episodes leading up to finding out about the stalking.

Either way, I always wake up crying!

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About the Author: 

The writer of this article has requested their identity to be kept confidential. However, if you are a survivor of a similar incident of stalking and harassment and would like to speak with the author and exchange experiences, then write to us at letters@spoiltmodernwoman.com to be put in touch with them.

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