Written by: SMIW Editorial | Image: Den of the Geek
The following review is part seven in the series of seven episode reviews from the Season 7 of popular TV series Game of Thrones. Each episode has been reviewed from a feminist lens by SMIW readers. Read the previous episode reviews before you begin. If you already have, then move right ahead to the review of the latest (and last) edition this season:
Unfortunately, the SMIW reader who was going to review this episode couldn’t do so because they were stuck in the Mumbai rains. We hope they (and others in Mumbai) are safe. In their lieu, the SMIW Editorial staff is going to do the review. So on with the show!
Here are 100 thoughts on The Dragon and The Wolf!
1. We start with Grey Worm and the Unsullied in marching position outside Queen’s Landing. They sure took their time. Guess all the express routes that Jon and Co. have been using to go back and forth have toll plazas.
2. Bronn channels his inner MRA to wonder what does an army of dudes without dicks have left to fight for.
Ser Jaime offers, before doing a 360 the very next moment and thinking aloud, that
“Maybe it really is all cocks in the end.”
Spoken like a true gent.
4. And here come the Dothraki boys. More machismo on a horseback. At least they seem like they’re having fun.
5. Ohaaiii Tyrion and Jon! Between the two of you, who’s gonna make the worst decision of the week?
6. Wait, they brought Theon? Why would you bring Theon to a show of strength meeting? That can only mean a Euron and / or Yara sighting in the works (please be Yara).
7. They are walking towards the meeting and it’s reunions galore! Tyrion-Podrick, Tyrion-Bronn, Brienne-Hound!
“Thought you were dead.”
“You came pretty close.”
“Hey, Arya’s alive?”
“Awwwh shucks! That one!”
“Yeah, she’s adorbz.”
And just like that, they’re friends. This season sure has moved ahead on roller blades.
8. Jaime looks at Brienne like she’s somebody that he used to know. Come on! Give us more!
9. What’s a GoT Season finale without symbolism? So of course, they’re having the big meeting in Dragon-pit, a Roman Colosseum-like arena where Targaryen dragons were held captive and eventually perished.
10. Bronn and Pod are going for a drink? So Dothraki man with no name gets a seat at the table but these two don’t? Fine.
11. The Hound marches up to The Mountain. Clegane-bowl foreshadowing? Nice!
We sure have the whole G8 summit here. The lead cast; Cersei, Jon, Tyrion, Jaime… The support cast; Brienne, Missandei, Euron, The Hound, The Mountain… And the why-are-you-even-here cast; Varys, Theon, aforementioned Dothraki dude.
13. But where’s the Dragon Queen? This is, after all, a meeting between two Queens. Cersei’s not impressed with the late-ness.
“She didn’t travel with you?”
Ha! As if she’d take a boat and miss the chance to shock and awe everyone by riding in on a mother-lovin’ dragon!
14. Aaand there she is! It never gets old, does it? Jaime does his best Jon Snow impression, as he’s done time and again over the last three seasons.
15. Cersei throws some serious shade Dany’s way though. “We’ve been here for quite some time”.
16. Wow. Didn’t expect such a gracious apology from Daenerys. She really wants this truce to work, huh?
17. Just then, Euron with his fashionable H&M outfits takes the initiative to threaten Theon with Yara’s life and make dwarf-jokes at Tryion. Wait, what?
18. Yeah, that was odd, even for a weird bloke like EG. Everyone’s like “Please dude, no one cares about the Greyjoys!”.
19. Nice we-hate-each-other-but-we’re-still-here speech, Tyrion. You drink and you give nice speeches. We’ll give you that much.
20. Oh look! It’s the weekly Jon-will-embarrass-himself-in-front-of-a-crowded-room time!
“We have something to show you”.
You bet, after the last two episodes, you better do, son.
21. Hound the human elevator ferries a big box of wight to the scene and after some prodding and kicking, out charges the captured specimen in all its hilarity.
22. Seriously, that show and tell was every bit as hysterical as one hoped it would be. On the other hand, the whole drama managed to induce a scared face out of Cersei. Wow. That only took seven seasons.
23. Professor Snow does a detailed demonstration for the class:
“We can burn them. Or stab them with dragon glass.”
Gee thanks! That’s really thorough Mr. Dumbledore. To be fair though, that’s all he’s done this Season; going from town to town, explaining the potential dangers of the Army of The Dead and the urgency of defending against them.
The Geek shall inherit the Middle Earth.
24. But who shows up in fur to Queen’s Landing, dude? What is the matter with you?
24. Meanwhile, Euron takes one closer look at the dead (?) wight, caresses its hair and decides to up and run. Making a pass at Dany on his way out for good measure. That was quite un-Euron…
Are you thinking what I’m thinking?
25. For most part though, the whole capture a wight thing seems to be working OK so far. Cersei is on board as long as Jonny boy knows what the rules are.
26. And here’s your weekly I’m-a-Jon-Snow-I-can-do-no-right moment. Sorry Tyrion, he beat you to it. Again.
27. That’s it then? The meeting’s over? Of course, not! This is the Season Finale, there better be shenanigans.
28. Brienne won’t have none of it. Is that the first time she has made physical contact with Jaime?
29. “Fuck Loyalty!” She didn’t just say that! Is this really The Oathkeeper we’ve come to admire? Yet, you can’t help but agree with her.
30. Jaime looks at her all like,
“Who ARE you?”
But again, it seems like she has given him food for thought.
31. Oh yeah Tyrion, that’s right. Go into a locked room with Cersei and The Mountain, surely there’s nothing that could go wrong there.
32. Wow. These two really hate each other, don’t they?
33. Uh oh. Is this it for Tyrion? No way! Not like this!
34. Phew! That got close there for a second. Also, it’s so cute how their mutual love for drinking can make them see past their differences.
35. And of course, Tryion figures out that he’s gonna be a mamu + chachu again.
36. Damn, that was some intense acting by Lena Headley and Peter Dinklage. A great scene!
37. Everyone’s mad at Jon, including Jon, except Dany. Where was this chemistry in the initial episodes?
38. At the same time, you can’t help but wish that maybe they had kept their equation platonic. How big a statement would that have been? Two lead characters of opposite genders becoming allies without becoming lovers. Clearly that boat (pun) has sailed now.
39. They keep bringing up Daenerys’ inability to have a baby. That can only mean she is eventually going to have one, right? Some convenient clause like, she can, but only if the father is a Targaryen too. Again, I wish they hadn’t fallen into that trope. Sigh.
40. “Did my Dragon die for nothing?”
Not if you ask the Night King.
41. Just then, Cersei marches back, declaring that she will have her armies march North to fight alongside the discount Justice League and the only thing she expects in return is… that they remember it? Clearly another trap?
42. We finally move to Winterfell and that whole drama in Queen’s Landing has gotta be the longest they have spent on one single location / sequence in an episode ever?
43. Oh hey, Littlefinger, gotta say your cunning is admirable, but that not-too-subtle suggestion to Sansa of getting Arya executed shows you have finally lost your touch.
44. Team Dany is back in Dragonstone already? Has it occurred to anyone that they may have chanced upon some of that Floo Powder the Weasley family uses to go to Platform Nine and Three Quarters?
45. They are discussing means of travel and Jon thinks that Khaleesi should ride with them in a ship (wonder why?) while Jorah Mormont tries his best to convince her otherwise (wonder why?).
Of course, she is going to ride with them (but mostly Jon) in the boat!
47. Oh hey Theon, what kind of total and utter disappointment are you going to be today?
48. Wow, that was… Touching… Almost. Former quarter adopted brothers having a heart to heart talk about being good people and so on. Cute.
49. But he finds out that it’s not so easy being a Jon Snow; when he proposes saving Yara to his iron-born crew, he gets his ass kicked in return. Another failure for Theon or plot-twist in the offing?
50. Damn, can he take a beating. Knee to the groin? LOL. Ramsay made sure that won’t be a problem anymore… And suddenly, his supposed impediment becomes a superpower of sorts.
51. This is cool. Overall, a nice outing for gents without genitalia this season.
Lots of subtle commentary on masculinity and hierarchy the whole season too. You don’t need a penis to be a man, you don’t need to be a man to be an imposing ruler, you don’t need to be a ruler to be a hero.
52. Theon wins, for once, and off they go, to save Yara. On a related note, the iron-born broskis must be the mot easily swayed people in the world. One second ago it was “Let’s go find an island where we can murder and rob people” and the very next it is “Yara!”…smh.
53. Back in Winterfell and it’s the showdown of sisters. Or is it?
54. YES. “Petyr Baelish”. That look on Littlefinger’s face is priceless.
55. Bran does a thing for once, and it looks unlikely that Lord Baelish will be able to talk his way out of this.
56. “Escort me safely back to the Vale.”
“I don’t think so.”
57. OK, he goes full Ram Rahim Singh now. Down on his knees and begging.
AAAAAND SLASH! It is done.
59. Gotta say, it does feel like the end of an era. I guess with the Night King so close to being this side of The Wall, we didn’t need Littlefinger anymore.
60. On another note, this is a big win for Sansa and her swag. She’s back in the game, and how! Arya scores major points too.
61. Back in Queen’s Landing, Ser Jamie is talking about trains (??) and journeys taking fortnights… Umm, hello… Nothing takes a fortnight in Westeros anymore, hon’.
62. Yes Jaime. Are you a traitor or just an idiot? You are probably the one person who knows Cersei. How could you not see this coming? Stupidest Lannister indeed. And that family included Joffery.
63. Ha! Euron has gone to Essos to set up some more H&M stores as well as fetch a fleet of mercenaries with Elephants! Called it!
64. OK, this has to be repeated. ELEPHANTS! Can you imagine the spectacle? Elephants and Dragons and Zombie Giants and Ice Dragons!
65. Uh oh… Is she gonna do it? NO!
66. The Mountain fiddles with his sword to potentially cut a Lannister male for the second time in an episode. I’m calling bluff.
67. Relief again! The Kingslayers lives. For now.
68. In other news, Tyrion fails for the fourth time. Outsmarted by Cersei yet again. If it weren’t for Littlefinger, it would have been the Little Lannister who’d be the Season’s Biggest Loser.
69. Jaime has finally abandoned his lover / twin. Or is it she who abandoned him? This is a watershed moment, I wish they’d play it up more.
It’s snowing in Queen’s Landing.
71. Back to Winterfell now (this episode is so long and so low on adrenaline for a Finale), and the Weirdest dude in Westeros sits by a fireplace as he’s visited by the not-yet-a-maester Sam.
72. “Samwell Tarly!”
Really? Bran can do an emotion?
73. “I’m the Three-Eyed-Raven.”
“I don’t know what that means.”
Frankly bro, none of us do, and we’ve been watching this show for seven years now.
74. Bran then takes and entire half second to tell Sam about Jon’s true parentage. ARE YOU SERIOUS HERE? You’ve been here for MONTHS and you won’t tell your blood sisters whom you grew up with, but this guy, who you met ONCE for a minute, you would?
IT MAKES NO SENSE!
75. Also, why would you think Jon is a bastard, Bran? Didn’t you just pitch your abilities as being able to see everything that has happened, ever?
Sam then proceeds to do what men in board meetings have done since the time conference rooms were called caves; he steals a woman’s discovery and passes it off as his.
76. OK…? So, Bran can only see stuff that happened in the past when he already knows about it?
Like, basically his super power is to look up life-like moving visuals of events that have happened in the past, once someone has fed him a few important words or references about the events to be looked up…?
That can mean only one thing…
The Three-Eyed-Raven is YouTube!
77. Aptly enough, we get the top video result for R + L wedding and as you’d expect with the Tube-Eyed-Raven, it streams in Full HD.
78. How long before the “Mother, Maiden, Crone, Stranger” vow starts getting used in a actual real-life weddings?
Seriously, if in Season 8, Bran doesn’t play a MAJOR role in defeating the Night King, as well as single handedly ends poverty, stabilizes climate change and discovers possibility of life on other planets, then I would expect nothing less than Hodor coming back as a wight to crush his head a la The Mountain to Obryn Martell.
80. In fact, come to think of it, why wouldn’t the Night King actually resurrect Hodor as a wight to fight against his old pals. Common sense would dictate that he would. Which means it would have totally happened if this was Season 5 or before but won’t happen anymore.
81. “Robert’s Rebellion was built on a lie!” Bran says. “He loved her!”
Seriously, we’ve known this for a few years now, dude. Worst. Three-Eyed-Raven. Ever.
82. Aegon Targaryen. Finally!
83. The true heir to the Iron Throne though? Wow. Wonder how Dany feels about that.
Jon Snow Who?
Jon’s no bastard, he’s the true heir to the Iron Throne.
85. Of course, you could see it coming a mile away. Even the episode title suggested it with more than just a nudge-nudge-wink-wink. And yet, when it finally happens, it’s a major moment.
86. At the same time, it’s kinda ironic too. For a show that began with an incestuous relationship as one of the key plot lines and established its two participants as the main antagonists, it has come full circle to make the top two protagonists enter into another similar relationship.
87. Dat Ass tho, Aegon. Will a Wolf whistle be OK? Or is it too much of a Drag on? 😀
88. What the hell is Tyrion doing lurking outside their love pad like that? Don’t be a jerk bro!
89. Also, can you imagine Jon and Sam’s next meeting?
“Hey, guess what? You’re not really a Bastard!”
“Wow really? Tell me all about it, man! Hey, by the way, my new girlfriend had your dad and brother burned alive. OK, now you go!”
WE’RE BACK TO WINTERFELL! IS ANYONE ELSE DIZZY YET?
91. Great to see Sansa and Arya finally getting along. Awwh you guys! #StarkSistersFTW <3
92. Gotta say this though. While it’s great to get all the honourable-Ned references every three episodes – even six season’s after he stopped being a thing – does no one EVER miss Catelyn?
It’s not like she didn’t do some incredible things herself. The woman inspired Rob to lead the North into battle against the Lannisters; advised him or war craft; loved her children fiercely and finally; stood bravely in the face of death.
Come on D&D. You scrapped the Lady Stoneheart storyline completely, but the least you could do is give Catelyn a fraction of the love you keep giving her late husband through these nostalgic sequences!
OK, rant over!
93. Bran’s under his tree again. As the final few minutes of the Season approach. Shit’s about to go down fo’ sho.
94. Don’t die, Tormund. Please don’t die.
95. Here comes the cavalry.
97. Damn, son… HOT DAMN!
Ladies and Gentlemen, this is just in. The Night King, riding Ice Dragon Viserian, has brought The Wall down. Westerosi Disaster Management Authority has issued a full scale, emergency evacuation notice!
99. The season ends with tonnes of questions, as usual, but also a lot of closure. Season 8 will have six feature length episodes with hopefully, stronger plot lines and fewer express Ravens.
Finally, let’s take a look at the Season’s updated and eventual rankings.
Episode Rating: Four Dragons and Half a Wolf.
Season Rating: Three Queens and Three Quarters a King.
Episode Winners: Sansa Stark, Arya Stark, Cersei Lannister, Team Jaenerys, Night King.
Episode Losers: Littlefinger, Tyrion Lannister, The Wall, Three Eyed Raven, Samwell Tarly.
Season 7 Biggest Loser:
This character’s contribution to this story is immense (and horrible). I mean, he literally set this chain of events in motion at start of Season 1 and stayed around to stir the pot and wreak havoc with his creepy whispers in the ensuing 6 seasons. While the Jofferys and the Ramsays were crueler and more terrible, Petyr Baelish has always been the Thrones villain who could realistically threaten any establishment without wearing a crown. However, this season, while he seemed to drive a wedge between the Stark sisters briefly, their combined strategic skills outsmarted him for good. He also became the most significant death of this otherwise uncharacteristically low-on-death season.
With Five losses, Lord Baelish, you are the Season’s Biggest Loser! May you rot in pieces.
Honourable Mentions: Jon Snow, Sam Tarly, Bran Stark.
Season 7 Grand Champion:
What a story of redemption it has been for this woman! From being a conditioned young girl happy to play second fiddle to her man; to an oppressed sexual assault survivor; to someone who overcame the odds and emerged as a master battle strategist; to the able Wardeness of the North, Sansa Stark has come a long way!
With a whopping Five wins this year, Lady of Winterfell Sansa Stark is the Season’s Undisputed Grand Champion!
Honourable mentions: Daenerys Targaryen, Arya Stark, Euron Greyjoy, the Night King.
OK! That does it! Wow! This has been A LOT of fun, maybe we’ll do it again for the final Season. But regardless, a big THANK YOU to all the reviewers this season. All of whom will (or already have) receive Spoilt Modern Merchandise as a show of gratitude!
Till next time, it’s SMIW Editorial team signing off!